I would go down on you faster than GM stock
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
