Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
