12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
