it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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