I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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