yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
