now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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