3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
