I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize