Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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