God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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