i already hear my dad disowning me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
