recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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