I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
