we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
