You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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