I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
