Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
