I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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