So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
