I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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