i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
