Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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