sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
