If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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