woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize