get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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