Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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