We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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