No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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