I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
