so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
