If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
