Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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