I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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