lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
