Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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