I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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