Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
