guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You can't just leave with hair like that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
