happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
