On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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