You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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