her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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