my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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