I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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