I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
