ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
