I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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