Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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