He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
