i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
