I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
