my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
another moral hangover. fuck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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