Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
