Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
