I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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