White coat. Heels.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
