I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
