So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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