I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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