either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
