"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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