It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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