I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
