just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
