Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
