I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
