Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
