If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
